Almond Joy was invented by Peter Paul in 1946; it followed the Mounds Bar released in 1921. I envision my little sweetheart sitting in a dark, sordid grocery store parking lot devouring that delicious combination of coconut and milk chocolate with almonds lovingly pressed into the top. All 46 beautiful, luscious grams of pure…Joy.
To be fair, I can't think of any secrets that I have kept from my wife nor that she has kept from me. But then again, they wouldn't be secrets if I knew about them. Anyway, I think you get my line of reasoning…
"So, you're telling me that you used to sit in the Kroger parking lot-- by yourself-- downing an entire Almond Joy candy bar --without your beloved children or your help-mate husband?"
"Yep."
At this stage, I had two scenarios jousting for prominence in my cerebral cortex. In the first scenario, she is sitting in a darkly lit parking with sordid characters milling around. The doors are locked, and the driver’s side seat is somewhat reclined while she ravenously tears apart the wrapper that contains the sweet, sweet nectar of an Almond Joy. Then I envision her wiping her mouth with her wrists and hurriedly brushing off the evidence from her blouse before she guiltily returns to her abandoned family.
In the second scenario, she is fully reclined. She takes a deep, cleansing breath, ridding herself of the accumulated toxins of being a young mother. Then, at last, she carefully, adoringly peels back the wrapper like an over ripe banana. She closes her eyes and truly savors every last one of the mind-blowing 220 calories.
Seems like her theme verse might be from Proverbs 9:17. “Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is delicious.”
Didn't see that coming. Not from my wife! I literally have RARELY seen her eat any candy bar, more less an Almond Joy! She counts every stinking calorie she places into that youthful body of hers, so that was a bit of a shocker!
"Glad I could be there for ya. Super happy you no longer have to carry the burden of your egocentric, greedy, self-centered, secretive decisions." OK, I didn't actually say that out loud, but...
Secrets. They are fun for anniversaries, birthdays, and Christmas mornings.
Beyond that, let's all be sure to use discretion when choosing a behavior that requires secrets. Secrets, especially between a husband and a wife are never a good idea. Secret finances/spending. Secret rendezvous. Secret visits. Secret behaviors. Secret business dealings.
Dishonesty and dirty little secrets will come around to bite us—in not-so-secret ways.
Now I sit in my office all day and wonder if my wife is home, working at her desk, gulping down a super-sized Diet Coke while munching away like a rabid chipmunk on a 3.22 oz. King Size Almond Joy. Sometimes you feel like a nut...sometimes you don't. (If you are a millennial, contact me and I will explain that one to ya).
I guess I can live with that.
For extra credit, meditate on Psalm 15:5. "Keep your word, even when it costs you, make an honest living, never take a bribe."
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